The true story of how Babaji gave up the material world, retired to an isolated beach on the island of Kauai, and chanted for six months in seclusion. At the conclusion of this time he had a vision of Lord Krsna in Vrndavan, and a dream in which his spiritual master instructed him to restore the original meaning of his teachings.
Kauai Meditation Retreat
How the Esoteric Teaching Mission Began
In August 2001, I was living in Deerfield Beach, Florida. I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my life there. I was working as a technical writing contractor at First Data, a credit-card transaction clearing house. At the same time I was writing books on spiritual life, working on several projects simultaneously; doing professional Vedic astrology readings, preaching to my friends and aquaintances, and trying to find compatible Vaisnava association. Truthfully, except for the writing, none of this was going very well.
In mid-August, without warning my contract was terminated. My astrological research had indicated that something big was about to happen on the world scene, so I decided that this would be a good time to leave the US Mainland and do an extended meditation retreat on Kauai. Actually I had been planning to move to Hawaii in January 2002 anyway, but rather than scramble to obtain another job I decided to make my move immediately.
I adopted a do-or-die attitude toward my spiritual mission: I would live in the woods in a tent, maintaining as absolutely simple a mode of existence as possible, until I made some kind of tangible spiritual breakthrough. I knew I wanted a deeper and more satisfying personal experience of spiritual life. I also wanted the personal association and guidance of self-realized devotees at least on my own level of progress—preferably more advanced. And I wanted to join a community of devotees whose minds were not contaminated by the mode of passion, who were broad-minded and non-political. Otherwise I was willing to remain alone for the rest of my life and simply chant without any association. Praying thus, I put myself entirely in the hands of Lord Krsna.
It took me about a week to pack. I had vowed to reduce my possessions to whatever would fit in my pickup truck and camper. Going through all my stuff and throwing out the nonessentials was a trial. I had to consider what might happen after my retreat was completed, or even if it ever would be. So I kept my desktop and laptop computers, recording equipment and musical instruments. I packed up all my books, tools, some camping equipment and a few casual clothes. Everything else went in the dumpster and to charity. I said farewell to my few friends and acquaintances in Florida, and prepared to hit the road.
At 9 AM on the fine clear morning of August 30, 2001 I set out from Deerfield Beach, alone and free. I was glad I had invested in a rebuilt transmission and clutch, new shocks and beefed up the springs in my truck, because even though I had thrown out a lot of stuff, it was loaded to the max. My good old truck, that was to become my home for the next few weeks, lumbered down the highway with a heavy load, but I felt free and unencumbered for the first time in many years.
The trip was routine and within a couple of days I reached Waco, Texas, where my son Brion lives. Brion and I were separated by life circumstances when he was two years old, and we had not seen each other since. He found me on the Internet a couple of years ago, and we have been trading emails regularly ever since.
Now Brion is a strapping young man of 31 summers, and a lead singer/lead guitarist in a heavy metal band named Abbatoir (means slaughterhouse in French; cute, eh?). But Brion is a great guy and a real chip off the old musical block for sure. Astoundingly, he did not have any bitter feelings about the past, and welcomed me into his apartment and life as warmly as if we had never been separated for a day. I also found out that he had a daughter and that—gulp!—I am a Grandpa! Oy vey. We spent a very pleasant week hanging out, catching up on our life stories and playing music. The highlight of my visit with Brion was a Labor Day picnic out on the lake near Waco. Brion's band members and all their friends showed up, and everyone had a wonderful time swimming and eating vegetarian barbeque, especially me.
I gave Brion some extra speakers and other equipment that I wouldn't need, lightening my load, and packed up my truck again. After sharing breakfast with Brion and his girlfriend Mollye, I left Waco early on a drizzly morning, headed for the West Coast. I took the southern route across Texas and the desert states of New Mexico and Nevada, taking my time, camping out in beautiful, practically deserted parks and national forests. The trip went smoothly, except I had to replace my rear tires while going through the desert because my truck was so heavily loaded. Once I got to California I went immediately to the Port of LA and shipped my personal belongings to Kauai on two pallets. With an empty truck and a light heart, I drove up into the San Bernadino Mountains to camp out until my flight was to leave for the islands.
I camped for a week at the most remote site I could find in San Bernadino National Forest. I needed to get the bugs out of my new tent and other gear before I arrived in Kauai. I also did a lot of hiking to get myself in shape, and started working on my tan. One beautiful morning, the park ranger came by and asked, "Have you been listening to the radio?" I shook my head. "You better tune in. Someone just flew an airliner into the World Trade Center!" "Omigod!" I replied, "We're at war!"
I had seen something like this coming in the astrological charts, but had no idea it would strike so close to home. I had thought I had more time before things got really bad. I heard with dismay how all the nation's airports were shut down, and how much ugly, sabre-rattling diplomacy was going on. My flight was cancelled and the airline wouldn't even answer the phone. For a few days, it seemed like my trip might never take place. Luckily, I had some good friends in LA. I visited the New Dvaraka Temple community and soon found a place to stay where I could follow the fast-unfolding events.
Fortunately, after a few days the airport opened up, although with very tight security. I rescheduled my flight and shipped my truck to Port Nawiliwili, Kauai. I visited the temple and saw Their Beautiful Lordships Sri-Sri Rukmini-Dvarkadish one last time. As the sweet strains of kirtan rang through the hallowed room where my spiritual master Srila Prabhupada gave so many wonderful classes, silently I begged Them for some sign that I was doing the right thing. Amazingly, the priests and devotees spontaneously awarded me garlands from all three sets of Deities in the temple. Those garlands still hang on the mirror of my truck as a reminder of Their Lordships' kind mercy. On September 15, I boarded a Hawaiian Airlines flight to Lihue. Once the plane was airborne I could start breathing again. It was really going to happen!
The trip to Kauai was smooth and uneventful. I arrived in the early afternoon and rented a 4-wheel drive mini-wagon at the airport. I had one friend on Kauai: a woman who studied Oddisi temple dance, the style offered to Lord Jagannath in Puri, India. We had been trading emails for some weeks, and she had described a great camping spot in Poipu near Shipwreck Beach. Although my friend was busy and could not meet me, I drove to Poipu and explored the backroads until I found the spot she had described. I drove down an unmarked dirt road by Shipwreck Beach in back of the hotel, and around a coconut orchard sandwiched beween the golf course and the ocean. At the very end of the road was a parking spot used mostly by fishermen. A short walk into the woods, and I had my spot. I stayed at the same place for the next five months.
Poipu is in a particularly beautiful and scenic part of Kauai. Although there is quite a bit of commercial development, I was situated right at the edge of town and close to some beautiful country. There were trails along the ridgetop with an excellent view of the ocean and the surrounding countryside. On (rare) clear days, I could see the tops of the volcanic peaks that created the island from their lava flows. Down the coast was an amazing heiau, or ancient Hawaiian temple ruin. Yet, Poipu has stores, a nearby post office, and all other modern conveniences. So the place offers the best of both worlds. And it is far from the North Coast Kauai camping scene, marred by atheistic hippies and drugs. I had no desire to be part of that scene, and being in Poipu insulated me from it by distance. The weather is also much better in Poipu, with lots of sunshine and pleasant tradewinds off the coast.
I set up my campsite under a bower of ironwood trees, behind a ridge that protected me from the direct wind. The ironwood grove is visible in the lower right of the panoramic picture above. The picture at right shows my tent nestled on the soft ground of the bower, which was covered with a thick layer of pine-needle-like ironwood foliage.
How can I express the beauty and peacefulness of life in the forest? Every day I would rise long before sunrise, take a cold shower at the beach bath house, chant and meditate to my heart's content, the sounds of innumerable varieties of songbirds in the background. Often I took long walks early in the morning, especially around full moon when the moonlight turned the forest into a silver wonderland. Chanting and chanting my mantra:
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare
I chanted many hours every day. I found out many things about myself and about spiritual life that, had I remained in the confines of the prison-house of so-called civilized life, I might never have discovered. I read many books I had never had time to read before, thought and contemplated deeply on the meaning of life in general and my life in particular, and formed a new understanding of many things based on the deep meditative state of mind attained by weeks of uninterrupted spiritual practice.
I continued working on my own writings, and was able to complete Volume I of The Book of Gethsemane and Search for the Absolute Truth. I also wrote several new essays and articles, and planned more projects for the future. Most important, though, I was able to craft a new sense of my identity and self, a more mature view of my place in life, and a clearer perspective on my spiritual goals and progress.
I wish I could share with everyone the crystal-clear moments of insight that come from deep meditation, the sweet experiences of ecstasy that result from uninterrupted chanting of the Holy Name, and the spiritual confidence built from austerity and simplicity of life. These indescribable and irreplacable experiences, however, are only revealed to those with the self-discipline to do what I have done: live a life of utmost purity and simplicity, performing austerities and spiritual practices for an extended time in a completely natural setting.
Of course there were some inconveniences: a couple of times there were torrential downpours, sometimes tourists would accidentally find my camp, assume that I was lonely and wanted their nonsense conversation (no thanks), and there were times when I would have given anything for a complete meal cooked with ghee. But in the long run, it was a completely wonderful experience that I would not trade for anything. And it's not like I was completely alone. Over the five months I was in the forest, I made several good friends on Kauai. Mother Panchali and her husband Visvambhar were especially kind to me, as was Vasudeva Prabhu, a Bengali devotee managing a construction project on the island.
The climax of the whole experience came after nearly six months of continuous chanting. Mother Panchali made a trip to India for Karttika Vraj Parikrama, the annual devotional circumambulation of Krsna's eternal place of appearance on this planet. There she purchased a new book, Jaiva Dharma by Srila Bhaktivinod Thakur, the crowning masterpiece of a spiritual genius. The entire philosophical conclusion of the Gaudiya Vaisnava disciplic lineage is expressed in the easily-digestible format of a historical novel. The manner of organization and writing is also exquisite, and clearly the work of both a literary and spiritual giant. I was deeply impressed, and spent some time every day reading this wonderful book by my great-grand spiritual master.
One morning I awoke to a most wonderful vision: Krsna appeared to me in His original beautiful threefold-bending form. Krsna said simply, "Very soon you will attain Me." I tried to relish the beauty of Krsna's moonlike face and embrace His beautiful form, but He simply smiled and faded from view. Soon all I could see were the beautiful flowers of Vrndavan behind where He had stood. I got up and spent the rest of the night chanting Krsna's sweet Holy Name, with wave after wave of all the ecstatic symptoms manifesting spontaneously in my mind and body.
That night I had a dream of my spiritual master Srila Prabhupada. At first I was on the roof of the Honolulu Temple, demolishing a ramshakle structure built on top of the beautiful temple building. Then Srila Prabhupada was driving me through the streets of Calcutta (his home town) in a nice Mercedes, showing me an enormous construction project he was building. Seen from above, it was a gigantic excavation like an Interstate highway project. Workers were swarming over it like ants, building forms for pouring a huge foundation. Then the scene changed to the Calcutta temple, a location very familiar to me from my years in India. Srila Prabhupada was talking with the construction supervisor in his usual elegant and encouraging manner. He indicated that I was to go to his office and bring some books. I went upstairs into Srila Prabhupada's office and found a pile of books. The cover of the top book read Bhagavad-gita Original Manuscript.
At this point I woke up, in ecstasy, chanting Srila Prabhupada's name and feeling much bliss. Those who know me can understand that the first part of the dream refers to my efforts to deconstruct the unnecessary changes and additions my Godbrothers have made to Srila Prabhupada's movement since his disappearance. The second part was also clear: Srila Prabhupada built the foundation of Vaisnavism in the modern world, a gargantuan task, simply by preaching and writing books. However, I found it difficult to understand the meaning of the last part. Srila Prabhupada's books were already written. Although I had the good fortune to assist with his Caitanya-caritamrta and other publications, I couldn't understand what more there was to do on this account.
After much contemplation and meditation, I understood that Srila Prabhupada wanted me to write philosophical literature that would restore the original meaning of his teaching, as he had instructed me to do many years before in India, at the time of his disappearance from this world. At the time I had no idea how I would accomplish this instruction, but now it was clear that he wanted me to use the Internet to restore the original meaning of the Gaudiya Vaisnava teachings. I realized that I would have to use a unique name and approach, and began to plan a program based on the concept of the "Esoteric Teaching of the Vedas." Thus my preaching mission began in very humble circumstances, by the grace and mercy of my eternal spiritual master.
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