An astonishing, intimate view of an advanced devotee's relationship with his Lord.

Dialogue 1

My dear Lord, how could I have forgotten You? You are the beginning, the middle and the end of everything. Yet somehow or other my mind became deviated from Your beautiful spiritual Presence. Thank You for reminding me of Your remembrance.

You had brought me to this point long ago, in another time of difficulty, where I had also gone far astray from You. And now You have brought me back again to You, my original Friend.

I was looking for friendship, companionship, community and love in the world, in the churches and so-called religious organizations, and finding none. Instead I was just finding hypocrisy and emptiness, and I was suffering. Thank you for pointing this out to me again.

You are all-wise and all-knowing. Your sacred Temple is hidden within my heart, and You are with me always. You are the best and eternally true Friend of all creatures. You show us knowledge of Yourself when we forget You due to our imperfect and confused minds.

Everything I want and need is there in You. I am so foolish to have forgotten You. Yet You have instructed us not to lament, therefore I know my duty is to just pick up where I had left off, and continue to praise and remember You in the core of my heart.

Maybe that is why You have designed my life as a monotonal symphony of loneliness; maybe that is why all men and women reject and condemn me. Maybe that is why so many people who should have loved me hated and abused me instead. Certainly all this is Your mercy to teach me not to rely on the world, but to put all my faith and love in You.

Now I understand my life. You have brought me through every terrible experience that the poor people of this world have to suffer, and made me completely helpless just so I would turn to You for the solution to all problems. And now You want me to teach them so that they also understand this. This is Your supremely compassionate plan.

Yes, I will do it. I will do my best internally to remember You at all times and in all circumstances. Then when You create the situation for me to share this realization, for the benefit of Your children I will help them, never considering the trouble this duty will entail. That is Your will, and I have no desire outside of it.

You have shown me the ecstasy of God consciousness, and You have also shown me the painful consequences of forgetfulness of You. Having seen and experienced both, any sane person would want to remember You alone always. I do not know You, but by Your grace You have revealed knowledge of Yourself even to me, a fallen and ignorant soul. By Your power You can do anything, even if it seems impossible to us.

This is Your greatness, and I admire You so much because along with such infinite greatness, You are also kind and forgiving. I strive to emulate You. Although I certainly cannot imitate You, I would like to become like You as far as possible. Sometimes this seems like an impossible dream, but again, if You like You can benedict me in this way.

You are inspiring me with so many wonderful thoughts. As human beings we are never perfect, but we become perfect human beings when we remain always in consciousness of You. It is so easy, actually, so simple even a child can do it. The problem is the distractions of this world and of our poor confused minds.

Lord, please always correct me when I listen to the nonsense of my mind and forget You. Please continually remind me of Your presence when I forget You, and always make me come back to You again and again for Your loving kindness. Without You I am lost, just like a little child abandoned by its parents. Please always keep me safe in the palm of Your hand.

How long has it been, Lord, since I thought of You in this way: weeks, months, years? I must have fallen asleep without noticing, and gone into a dream, a fantasy world in my own mind. You are Reality; You are the Ground of all Being, and You are Love. How could I have forgotten You? I am most embarrassed and ashamed.

In the Bhagavad-gita, You reveal that when a man attains consciousness of You, he considers it the greatest gain, attaining which he considers that there is nothing more to gain. You also call this God consciousness the King of Knowledge, the Most Secret of all Secrets: that knowledge, knowing which there is no more to be known. I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Therefore this is a great moment in my life; it is a defining moment and gives shape and meaning to my whole existence, both before and after this great experience. There are no trumpets, no rolling kettledrums, no fire from the sky, yet it is just as great and profoundly meaningful a moment as if there were such amazing portents.

It is the end of all suffering, as You promise in the scriptures. It is liberation; it is the fulfillment of all prophecies. Thank You, my Lord, just for bearing with me through all my unfortunate childishness. Thank You, Lord, for loving me in spite of all my broken promises and other imperfections.

Your remembrance is the cause of immortality; indeed, when we are conscious of You we would like to live forever to enjoy Your sweetness. Without being God-conscious, subconsciously or consciously we crave death as the only deliverance from our suffering. Therefore we see the whole world moving towards death, O Lord, with only Your servants moving toward everlasting life.

Dialogue 2

My dear Lord, I am just a fool. I want to love You, to praise You, to glorify You always. But I often wind up just thinking about my own desires and myself. But what are my foolish needs and wants beside Your eternal glory? There are infinite wonderful qualities in You. Please let me spend my time glorifying You, and forget about my insignificant self.

My Lord, this whole world is full of cruelty, ignorance and neglect. Now that I know You, everything else seems like worthless chaff or useless tinsel. In the light of Your love, even spiritual knowledge seems more like a decoration for the ego than a valuable attainment. The whole point of spiritual knowledge is to come to a personal relationship with You. Yet those who pursue such knowledge most often become entangled in petty theological arguments and caught up in external ritualistic practices. Though they may be very proud of their achievements and positions, this is all nothing compared to Your personal friendship.

Alas, I wasted so many years in pursuit of empty trifles! All my knowledge and learning did nothing to make me happy; it only gave me grief. I considered myself above others, and I separated myself from all my brothers and sisters. Thus I wound up always alone.

Now that You have appeared on the threshold of my heart, my loneliness is over. Please make Your home here in my heart and never go away. I offer You everything, all my love and devotion. In reality, I have nothing else to offer You.

I am just a poor man, with no spiritual assets. Everything has been taken away by my foolish sinful life. I rely completely on Your mercy. Without You I am nothing. Please do not let me forget You anymore. I could not bear to live in Your absence. You are my only real Friend and my best hope for a happy life. Please do not desert me as everyone else has and leave me for dead.

It always amazes me how You are interested in the picayune details of my life. It is wonderful how patient You are with my foolishness, and how You never tire of advising and helping me on even the smallest matter. Without Your blessings I cannot live for even a moment. Please have mercy on me.

You are all-powerful, and I am nothing. All potencies are vested in You. Yet You are willing to sit down with me in the core of my heart and entertain me. This is truly amazing. Your love is infinite. You are Master and Creator of all, and yet You have time for me and my insignificant issues.

My Lord, please purify my mind. It is always wandering restlessly here and there for no good reason. I would like my mind to be a fresh and pure place for You to enjoy. Please also purify my heart. I am addicted to so many foolish things. I actually think that I can enjoy separately from You. In my better moments, I know that this is not so. Please let me remember this always, and never again stray from Your side.

Please help me understand my real position, and never forget it. If I worship You within my heart, I will never be alone again. Your loving kindness gives me a subtle joy that no external condition can defeat. Please allow me to cultivate this inner awareness of Your presence until I am drowning in a sea of love for You.

All the instructions of religion make sense to me now. Everything is harmonized by Your spiritual Presence. Now please make me strong in this realization so that my mind can never be shaken. Please help me love You more and more within my heart and become as much a joy to You as You are to me.

And finally, please empower me to share this profound gift with others. I want other people to have the same relief from worldly suffering as You have mercifully bestowed upon me. Then maybe this tired old world will finally realize the purpose You created it for. Maybe some people will understand You and turn to You and come back to You, situated in their hearts.

If You want You can send me ten million disciples, and with Your grace I will train them all in this easy practice. Yes, loving You is easy. Living without You is what is so hard. Ignorance is not bliss; it means suffering and conflict. And knowledge that does not lead people to Your feet is useless.

So please help me, Lord, to remember You at every second—even in my sleep—and constantly thank You and praise You for Your magnanimous qualities and activities. For without You, even the best existence in the material world is only pain. But with You, even the most arduous austerity or difficult life is bliss. For You are the original source of all joy and love, the most wonderful Lord of all creation. Please keep me with You forever.

Dialogue 3

My dear Lord, Your will is transcendental to this material world. No one could have predicted that I would find You today in my heart, just as no one could have predicted when I found You and lost You before. You are independent of the material energy. But You are very mercifully inclined to Your devotees. Therefore, You came to me in my hour of greatest need.

Thank You for giving me clear knowledge of Your transcendental personality and activities. You knew that my deepest heart’s desire from a very early time in my life was to have a direct, personal relationship with You. Now You have satisfied that desire, and I feel that the purpose of my life is fulfilled.

Srila Prabhupada’s transcendental relationship with You was an open secret. It was going on right in front of us, but we could not understand. Now You have revealed the same secret to Me, and I am eternally grateful to You. Now I understand how the great devotees could just sit by themselves under a tree and be perfectly happy. They were sustained by their beautiful personal relationship with You, just as I am. How wonderful! And this is just the beginning!

Now for the first time in many years, I am excited and looking forward to the future. Life will be so rich and wonderful with You! Whether I sit under a tree or travel all over the world, I know I will never be unhappy again like I was before. My Lord, I am just marveling at Your beauty and kindness.

And attaining You is such a simple thing! Really, You are available to anyone who sincerely wants You. You magnanimously give Yourself to the devotees who worship You with love and dedication. All the words praising You in the scriptures are absolutely true. Although You are the greatest and beyond everything, You humbly sit in everyone’s heart, waiting patiently for the day when they will turn to You in love and worship You as their dearmost Friend.

Who can understand such mercy? You are the greatest in all departments, including love and mercy. If even a small percentage of human beings would come to understand You in this way, all the problems in the world would be automatically solved.

The objects of this material world cannot give us any satisfaction. When we run after them, they change and disappear like a mirage. Only You are actually real; only You are solid and reliable. What a fool I was not to have seen all this earlier! It is one thing to study philosophy and scriptures; it is much better to approach You directly.

Please never let me ever forget You again. Keep me close to Your bosom and hold me tightly in Your embrace. Help me to understand how to love and serve Your other devotees so that Your pleasure is increased. Give me detachment and dispassion from all material things. Let me go to heaven or hell, as is Your will my Lord, but please never let me forget You, even for a moment.

Dialogue 4

O my Father, my Divine Mother, my dearest Friend, my Master, my Teacher, my Son and my eternal Lover. In Your form of Jesus, You awakened my desire for spiritual life. In Your form as the Spiritual Master, You performed the duties of Divine Father to me. In Your form of material nature, You gave birth to me and raised me up as Your child.

As Lord Shiva, You taught me the dangers of sensual indulgence and intoxication. In Your form of Brahma, You gave me deep knowledge and the passion of artistic creativity. In Your form of Narasimha, You became my intimate Friend and my sporting Companion. In Your form as Kṛṣṇa, You are the eternal Lover of my soul, the source of all my joys and pleasures.

I know You in so many ways, yet I always feel a fool before You, as if I do not know You at all. And thus You remain always my Divine Master, for I cannot fathom Your recondite ways. All I know is that the joy of being with You is a deep inexhaustible ocean of bliss, and the pain of being separated from You is unbearable.

Many wise and learned men talk on and on about philosophy and theology; others recommend complex meditations, severe penances or arcane processes of worship. As for me, I do not have any need of them. I am satisfied having Your beautiful feet reside in the lotus flower of my heart until all eternity. I do not want wealth or fame, knowledge or renunciation. I do not even want liberation. I do not want anything unless You desire it.

The love of this world is like a dim, sputtering candle compared to the blazing sun of Your eternal spiritual love. Only a fool would give up such wonderful, soul-satisfying spiritual love for the fleeting pleasures of this mundane world. And yet I did give it up, and returned to the mundane world after discovering Your blissful lotus feet. What terrible offense did I commit to merit this falldown? How did I dishonor Your Holy Name and insult Your love so badly that You sent me back to Maya for correction?

Actually, I do not want to know. I just want You to grant me eternal shelter at Your feet. I will serve You in any way You wish, just please, please never kick me away again. The suffering of material existence is bad enough for the ignorant; for one who has known the bliss of Your association, even for a moment, it is intolerable.

The only way I can avoid offending You is by Your Divine Grace. Left to my own devices, I would certainly insult You, for my nature is weak and flawed. Therefore I beg You to protect me from all kinds of spiritual problems, so that I may be Your devoted servant eternally. I do not know who to trust in this world of illusion. Therefore keep me away from all kinds of ill-motivated people who would do harm to the tender creeper of devotion I am trying to cultivate.

You are the only shelter of all kinds of living entities, and the Savior of those who are suffering from the waves of misery in the ocean of illusion. Please cut off all of my affection for material things so that I may serve You alone. Purify me from the mistaken idea that there is pleasure in this world, and fix my mind at your lotus feet eternally. Without Your help and mercy I cannot remain surrendered to You. Therefore please always inspire me so I can remember You at all times and in all places and situations.

I do not know what is going to happen. But You know everything in the past, present and future. Please arrange my life so that I may be undisturbed in remembrance of You. I am afraid of old age, disease and death. Please give me the spiritual facility of having sufficient leisure to meditate upon and pray to You for the rest of my life. This human life is so short; please bless me with sufficient lifespan to purify my mind of all material contamination before I face the ultimate test of death.

I am such a fool. I do not know how to serve You or please You, but I am asking for so many favors. Yet other than You, who is there who can protect me? I take shelter of You. I am a soul surrendered unto You. Please teach me what I need to know to please You. Make some arrangement so that I am able to please You, for a fool like me is incapable of pleasing You without Your help.

Actually anything I am able to do to serve You is only Your mercy. I am like a boat without a rudder. Without You to guide me every moment, I am hopelessly lost. You are my Captain and my Navigator. Please guide me to safe harbor at Your lotus feet, my Lord.

 

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