SPIRITUAL LIFE AS A HOUSEHOLDER
CHILDREN
MARRIAGE AND OTHER HOUSEHOLDER QUESTIONS
SPIRITUAL LIFE AS A HOUSEHOLDER
Does the word house-holder mean married people?
Yes.
I am in householder life and feel I can't reach the perfection of life while I am here. Should I give it up?
If you can engage your family members in hearing and chanting about Krsna, then it is perfect.
"As for detachment from children, wife
and home, it is not meant that one should have no feeling for these.
They are natural objects of affection, but when they are not favorable
to spiritual progress, then one should not be attached to them. The
best process for making the home pleasant is Kṛṣṇa consciousness. If
one is in full Kṛṣṇa consciousness, he can make his home very happy
because this process of Kṛṣṇa consciousness is very easy. One need only
chant Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa, Hare Hare/Hare Rāma, Hare
Rāma, Rāma Rāma, Hare Hare, accept the remnants of foodstuffs offered
to Kṛṣṇa, have some discussion on books like Bhagavad-gītā and
Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, and engage oneself in Deity worship. These four will
make one happy. One should train the members of his family in this way.
The family members can sit down morning and evening and chant together
Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa, Hare Hare/Hare Rāma, Hare Rāma,
Rāma Rāma, Hare Hare. If one can mold his family life in this way to
develop Kṛṣṇa consciousness, following these four principles, then
there is no need to change from family life to renounced life." [Bhagavad-gita
13.8-12 Purport]
You once said "we can see a characteristic in the lives of all the great saints and acaryas. They sacrificed everything in the service of the Lord, even while in household life. This is called grhastha-brahmacari, or one who remains celibate even in household life." Seems to me this is for one who only starts the path of Bhakti after his marriage. For them nothing can be done right? They already have children, a house, etc. Only thing they can save themselves from is their future duties and results.
Not necessarily. Even great nitya-siddha acaryas like Srila Prabhupada, Bhaktivinod Thakur, and avataras like Lord Nityananda, Advaita Acarya and Srila Vyasadeva, all married, even though they had complete realization of spiritual life and bhakti-yoga from the beginning. Why? To set an example of spiritual life in the grhastha-asrama, householder life.
It sounds like you equate spiritual advancement with renunciation of family life, which is not necessarily so. If one's family members are also nice devotees, then why give them up? The fact is, one can remain perfectly self-realized even in family life, if one's family life follows the principles of bhakti. The duties of household life are not necessarily a detriment to spiritual realization—only if they deviate one from the path of Krsna consciousness.
Can one get inititated while he or she still is with the family? Or do they have to renounce the world to get initiated?
In theory, we can initiate anyone in any part of the world and in any condition of life, provided they are following the regulative principles and chanting nicely. For example, Śrīla Prabhupāda used to initiate devotees just by sending a letter with chanting beads that he had blessed.
In practice, however, we have found that this is very risky. Many people are unsteady and have difficulty following the principles of spiritual life, especially in a family situation where the objects of sense gratification are never far away. And then I would have to accept a portion of those offenses.
Therefore after several bad experiences, I have become a bit conservative about who I give initiation. I have to be convinced of the prospective student's qualifications and sincerity, and I don't know how that is possible unless they would come here and serve for some time. However, we also have the University courses which one can work through from home until they are qualified for initiation.
Can you please explain the effects on one's action if a householder abandons his family and takes the renounced order without bringing other members to a high standard of Krsna Consciousness. What are the duties of the householder and their commitment to their direct family members? Running away from your duties prematurely surely would incur negative karma would it not?
We cannot take responsibility for the spiritual life of another living entity. We all have free will as a gift from God. Therefore whether a person takes to Krsna consciousness or attains a high level of realization is entirely up to that individual. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Similarly, the most you can do is make the truths of the Vedas available to your family; whether they take it up, and how far they develop it, is up to them.
The duty of a householder is to provide for his family and take care of them as far as possible, according to his means. To accept the renounced order of life and leave one's wife and children without support is irresponsible, and would certainly lead to severe karmic reaction. In Vedic society, a man who takes sannyas would leave his wife in the care of their grown son. But in Kali-yuga, this is often impossible. This is one reason that sannyas is generally prohibited in Kali-yuga.
Sannyas is difficult in Kali-yuga, but so is family life. We enter marriage thinking that it will give us the love and affection we crave, but more often it becomes a bed of sorrows due to incompatibility and misunderstanding. The soul can never be satisfied with material relationships. The perfect, unconditional love and affection we seek is only available from Krsna.
nāhaṁ
vipro na ca nara-patir nāpi vaiśyo na śūdro
nāhaṁ varṇī na ca gṛha-patir no vanastho yatir vā
kintu prodyan-nikhila-paramānanda-pūrnāmṛtābdher
gopī-bhartuḥ pada-kamalayor dāsa-dāsānudāsaḥ
"I am not a brāhmaṇa, I am not a kṣatriya, I am not a vaiśya or a śūdra. Nor am I a brahmacārī, a householder, a vānaprastha or a sannyāsī. I identify Myself only as the servant of the servant of the servant of the lotus feet of Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa, the maintainer of the gopīs. He is like an ocean of nectar, and He is the cause of universal transcendental bliss. He is always existing with brilliance." [Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 13.80]
nāhaṁ varṇī na ca gṛha-patir no vanastho yatir vā
kintu prodyan-nikhila-paramānanda-pūrnāmṛtābdher
gopī-bhartuḥ pada-kamalayor dāsa-dāsānudāsaḥ
"I am not a brāhmaṇa, I am not a kṣatriya, I am not a vaiśya or a śūdra. Nor am I a brahmacārī, a householder, a vānaprastha or a sannyāsī. I identify Myself only as the servant of the servant of the servant of the lotus feet of Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa, the maintainer of the gopīs. He is like an ocean of nectar, and He is the cause of universal transcendental bliss. He is always existing with brilliance." [Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 13.80]
So the real point is to be Krsna-conscious, in whatever status of life we find ourselves. If you can maintain a nice standard of Krsna consciousness in householder life, then that is very nice. Why would you want to change? But if the family becomes an impediment to Krsna consciousness, for example by making offenses against Krsna, guru or the Holy Name, then separation is required or they will simply devastate their spiritual life and yours by continuous offenses.
For example Srila Prabhupada left his wife in the care of their grown sons after she made it clear that she would never help him in his preaching work. Nor would she live life according to the standard of a first-class bhakta. But this is a question that has to be weighed very carefully in each individual case, because the consequences are so serious.
I read in 'Nectar of Instruction' that being a devotee while being in grhastha-asrama is 'considered' a higher form of Bhakti.
One of my students gives a nice answer to this:
Yes, living the perfect grhastha-asrama is considered a far
more
challenging task than remaining celibate. But this refers to the proper
grhastha-asrama, where apart
from taking care of the family's
material needs you are also the spiritual head of the household and you
nicely engage the family in devotional service and take them back to
Krsna. It involves spiritualizing your relationships to a high degree
and is a difficult responsibility. Grhastha-asrama
does not mean just
keeping your family materially happy and maybe have God as a side
hobby. Krsna has to be the primary focus of everything in our lives.
How can I present the Esoteric Teaching at home as a householder?
You can invite people to participate in the Sunday Satsang or Evening Darshan. Just have some friends over, watch the Satsang program on your computer, ask questions and get the answers. Then after the 2-hour program you can serve them some delicious prasadam and just hang out, or chant japa together.
It's very simple. The Esoteric Teaching of the Vedas is the nectar that everyone is searching for. If we simply give it to them in a palatable way, in a friendly, non-threatening situation, most intelligent, pious people will be favorable. Then you will have more like-minded devotee friends to associate with!
A student explains:
The concept of Namahatta was started by Srila
Bhaktivinod Thakur, our great-great-great-grand spiritual master. He
came up with the somewhat light-hearted concept that the commodity
we're selling is the Holy Name, it's price is the faith that we have in
the name, the owner of the commodity is Lord Nityananda, His partners
and the store keepers are the Goswamis etc. etc. Srila Bhaktivinod made
quite a long list of analogies like this in a work called Godruma Kalpatavi.
In its implementation, Namahatta is generally used to refer to the practice of devotees (usually householders) hosting home-programs wherein they invite all interested to come and participate in an evening of kirtan, scripture discussions and sumptuous prasadam. ISKCON has taken the Namahatta idea and built it up into a sort of program with tips and guidelines etc and the program is also called a Bhakti-Vrksha (Tree of Devotional Service) sometimes. This is a wonderful decentralized model of spreading the Holy Name, and it's something that Babaji has also encouraged very much. In this way, we are creating a marketplace and distributing the Holy Name. This also is very valuable for devotees to get the association of other devotees, especially if they are too far away from a temple. In the area where I live, there are quite a few such Namahatta programs hosted by householder devotees which is a wonderful service provided by them.
In its implementation, Namahatta is generally used to refer to the practice of devotees (usually householders) hosting home-programs wherein they invite all interested to come and participate in an evening of kirtan, scripture discussions and sumptuous prasadam. ISKCON has taken the Namahatta idea and built it up into a sort of program with tips and guidelines etc and the program is also called a Bhakti-Vrksha (Tree of Devotional Service) sometimes. This is a wonderful decentralized model of spreading the Holy Name, and it's something that Babaji has also encouraged very much. In this way, we are creating a marketplace and distributing the Holy Name. This also is very valuable for devotees to get the association of other devotees, especially if they are too far away from a temple. In the area where I live, there are quite a few such Namahatta programs hosted by householder devotees which is a wonderful service provided by them.
What is the ideal way for a householder to engage in sex life? Is there sex life there in the spirital world?
If you read the Kama-sutra (I recommend the translation and commentary by Alain Danielou) it describes the ideal form of sex relations. In our Vaisnava culture we have the Garbhadana-samskara which is a ceremonial way of begetting nice quality children. The idea is that the couple's consciousness at the time of conception is very important in determining the quality of the offspring. If they are in good consciousness then they will attract a very high-class intelligent and self-realized soul.
The essence of the Garbhadana-samskara is chanting the Holy Name (64 rounds before the conception ceremony). As recently as 200 years ago, the Garbhadana-samskara was commonly performed by all classes of Indian people, especially Vaisnava devotees. But in recent times unfortunately it has fallen out of use. Anyway it was celebrated as a grand festival with guests, food, music etc. The couple would fast and do japa all day, while the guests do kirtan and agni-hotra yajna. Then the couple would enter the conjugal chamber at an astrologically auspicious time for the, um, climax of the ceremony. Then when they were finished everyone would go swimming and there would be a big party with sankirtan and prasadam. This is Vedic culture.
In the spiritual world, everyone is fully Krsna-conscious at all times. So even in begetting children they will be thinking only of how to serve Krsna. Everything is there in the spiritual world. Consequently there is a spiritual way to do everything in life, and these instructions are given in the Tantras. The Tantras cover everything from the intricacies of temple construction and worship to art, economics, community management and even sex. They teach us how to live a spiritual life in the material world.
CHILDREN
I am pregnant. Is it possible to atrract a high quality soul to take birth as my child?
Vedic parenting begins from the garbhadana-samskara or seed-giving ceremony at the time of conception. If you did not perform this ceremony, then unfortunately you cannot attract a soul of the highest quality to your family. Then there are the birth ceremony, name-giving ceremony, first grains ceremony and so many other Vedic Tantric practices related to parenting. All of these require very high spiritual qualifications. For example, the seed-giving ceremony requires that you chant the Holy Name of God for at least 6 hours before conceiving the child.
So what should I do to at least help my child become pure?
The best thing you can do is to become advanced in spiritual life and practices yourselves, show a good example and raise your child in a purified environment. You should read and study the Vedic classics like Sri Isopanisad and Bhagavad-gita, become vegetarian and start chanting Vedic mantras regularly. Your child will naturally follow because as parents, you are natural gurus for the child.
It would be useful to get a comprehensive Vedic Astrology reading for your child, so that you know who you are dealing with and what kind of karma this soul is bringing from the previous life. Don't think that your child will automatically grow up to share all your tastes and attitudes. He is God's child, not yours; your duty is to give him the best possible start in life, not mold him into an extension of yourself. Each living entity is an individual spirit soul and as such, has a particular taste and aspiration that may be quite different from yours. So get ready to understand and tolerate his individuality, so you don't stunt it.
Parenting is a huge commitment and responsibility, and new parents need all the help and support they can get. Unfortunately there is very little authentic Vedic information on this subject currently available in English. But if you go through my spiritual master's books and become advanced in spiritual life yourselves, understand the science of spiritual consciousness and apply it in your lives, then Krsna will reveal everything to your intelligence by spiritual means.
How can we be good spiritual guides to our children while we are in a materialistic society?
As I am renunciant, I will leave this answer to one of our students who has some experience in this:
I understand the concerns at the
thought of being a good parent and raising well behaved Vaisnava
children in these times. Im a parent of two kids, a boy and girl, one
is 12, the other 5, and both attend local state run schools, places of
misinformation and false ideologies. I cannot afford home schooling and
a reputable gurukula is not an option right now, so I teach them at
home about the Vaisnava principles in showing by example reading from
the scriptures, chanting and singing the holy names, and taking of
prasadam. Also the whys and wherefores of this material world we have
to live in and how to survive; this is all I can do to help them.
Householder life and raising children has its rewards if its centered around Krsna consciousness, and if done with sincere faith and conviction it is equal to any path of self realization, but if wasted in mundane household affairs and forgetting your true constitutional position you all become bound to the cycle of birth and death.
This is Kali-Yuga which is full of distractions. Ultimately I cannot stop my children from making their own choices in this life. My daughter will listen to western music sometimes, only after I have vetted the content making sure there is nothing inapropriate. Of course i explain the mundane nature, but she is willful. On the other hand my son is more tuned to the spritual side, only time will tell how they will do eventually.
This material world is full of suffering from the point of conception, so many people are concieved and born out of lust and ignorance in this age some turn to Krsna while the majority deny themselves any real happiness and choose to search endlessly for stimulation of the senses by engaging in all sorts of nonsense, which as we know is temporary and illusionary full of dualities namely happiness and distress.
If you choose to have a family prepare yourselves nicely by being situated in a Krsna conscious atmosphere. Hare Krsna!
Householder life and raising children has its rewards if its centered around Krsna consciousness, and if done with sincere faith and conviction it is equal to any path of self realization, but if wasted in mundane household affairs and forgetting your true constitutional position you all become bound to the cycle of birth and death.
śrotavyādīni
rājendra
nṛṇāṁ santi sahasraśaḥ
apaśyatām ātma-tattvaṁ
gṛheṣu gṛha-medhinām
Those persons who are materially engrossed, being blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth, leave many subject matters for hearing in human society, O Emperor. [Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.1.2]
PURPORT (by His Divine Grace AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada)
In the revealed scriptures there are two nomenclatures for the householder’s life. One is gṛhastha, and the other is gṛhamedhī. The gṛhasthas are those who live together with wife and children but live transcendentally for realizing the ultimate truth. The gṛhamedhīs, however, are those who live only for the benefit of the family members, extended or centralized, and thus are envious of others. The word medhī indicates jealousy of others. The gṛhamedhīs, being interested in family affairs only, are certainly envious of others. Therefore, one gṛhamedhī is not on good terms with another gṛhamedhī, and in the extended form, one community, society or nation is not on good terms with another counterpart of selfish interest. In the age of Kali, all the householders are jealous of one another because they are blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth. They have many subject matters for hearing—political, scientific, social, economic and so on—but due to a poor fund of knowledge, they set aside the question of the ultimate miseries of life, namely miseries of birth, death, old age and disease. Factually, the human life is meant for making an ultimate solution to birth, death, old age and disease, but the gṛhamedhīs, being illusioned by the material nature, forget everything about self-realization. The ultimate solution to the problems of life is to go back home, back to Godhead, and thus, as stated in the Bhagavad-gītā (8.16), the miseries of material existence—birth, death, old age and disease—are removed.
The process of going back home, back to Godhead, is to hear about the Supreme Lord and His name, form, attributes, pastimes, paraphernalia and variegatedness. Foolish people do not know this. They want to hear something about the name, form, etc., of everything temporary, and they do not know how to utilize this propensity of hearing for the ultimate good. Misguided as they are, they also create some false literatures about the name, form, attributes, etc., of the ultimate truth. One should not, therefore, become a gṛhamedhī simply to exist for envying others; one should become a real householder in terms of the scriptural injunctions.
nṛṇāṁ santi sahasraśaḥ
apaśyatām ātma-tattvaṁ
gṛheṣu gṛha-medhinām
Those persons who are materially engrossed, being blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth, leave many subject matters for hearing in human society, O Emperor. [Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.1.2]
PURPORT (by His Divine Grace AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada)
In the revealed scriptures there are two nomenclatures for the householder’s life. One is gṛhastha, and the other is gṛhamedhī. The gṛhasthas are those who live together with wife and children but live transcendentally for realizing the ultimate truth. The gṛhamedhīs, however, are those who live only for the benefit of the family members, extended or centralized, and thus are envious of others. The word medhī indicates jealousy of others. The gṛhamedhīs, being interested in family affairs only, are certainly envious of others. Therefore, one gṛhamedhī is not on good terms with another gṛhamedhī, and in the extended form, one community, society or nation is not on good terms with another counterpart of selfish interest. In the age of Kali, all the householders are jealous of one another because they are blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth. They have many subject matters for hearing—political, scientific, social, economic and so on—but due to a poor fund of knowledge, they set aside the question of the ultimate miseries of life, namely miseries of birth, death, old age and disease. Factually, the human life is meant for making an ultimate solution to birth, death, old age and disease, but the gṛhamedhīs, being illusioned by the material nature, forget everything about self-realization. The ultimate solution to the problems of life is to go back home, back to Godhead, and thus, as stated in the Bhagavad-gītā (8.16), the miseries of material existence—birth, death, old age and disease—are removed.
The process of going back home, back to Godhead, is to hear about the Supreme Lord and His name, form, attributes, pastimes, paraphernalia and variegatedness. Foolish people do not know this. They want to hear something about the name, form, etc., of everything temporary, and they do not know how to utilize this propensity of hearing for the ultimate good. Misguided as they are, they also create some false literatures about the name, form, attributes, etc., of the ultimate truth. One should not, therefore, become a gṛhamedhī simply to exist for envying others; one should become a real householder in terms of the scriptural injunctions.
This is Kali-Yuga which is full of distractions. Ultimately I cannot stop my children from making their own choices in this life. My daughter will listen to western music sometimes, only after I have vetted the content making sure there is nothing inapropriate. Of course i explain the mundane nature, but she is willful. On the other hand my son is more tuned to the spritual side, only time will tell how they will do eventually.
This material world is full of suffering from the point of conception, so many people are concieved and born out of lust and ignorance in this age some turn to Krsna while the majority deny themselves any real happiness and choose to search endlessly for stimulation of the senses by engaging in all sorts of nonsense, which as we know is temporary and illusionary full of dualities namely happiness and distress.
If you choose to have a family prepare yourselves nicely by being situated in a Krsna conscious atmosphere. Hare Krsna!
It is advised that we send our children to a Gurukul if we have a bonafide one available. How will a child raised in a Gurukul later cope with the gross material world?
The answer is that he can cope better, because he will not fall into illusion or be swayed by the false arguments of materialistic sophists to engage in material sense gratification and thus ruin his spiritual prospects. Others who lack spiritual education will not possess the wisdom to avoid maya's traps. Thus they become entangled in sinful activities and their results.
If possible one should remain a sadhu, and avoid all material activities. But even if one is involved with family life, he can remain pure if he has adequate spiritual background. That background can come only through residing in the house of the guru (guru-kula) for sufficient time to learn the art of remaining engaged in sadhana in all circumstances.
Spiritual life is not an armchair exercise in intellectual dabbling; it is a daily, practical struggle to remain spiritually conscious in a hostile materialistic environment. We are best prepared for this struggle, which if successful can promote us to Vaikuntha, if we have the experience of studying the spiritual science with a Master Teacher while in an impressionable age. This is the benefit of Gurukula training.
Should we encourage our children to enact Krsna's pastimes while playing?
It is described in Śrī Caitanya-Bhagavata that when Lord Nityānanda was a boy, He would play Kṛṣṇa's Vṛndāvana pastimes with His young friends. None of the boys wanted to go home, they only wanted to play more and more transcendental pastimes with Śrī Nityānanda Prabhu.
I always challenge and encourage my students to do more than they think they can do. We are all capable of much more than we may think. I am a good example: no one, including myself, ever thought that I could act as guru and preach all over the world. But now it is happening by Śrīla Prabhupāda's blessings and Lord Kṛṣṇa's grace, and the power of the Internet.
Once, Ananda-vardhana was saying, "I have learned more in the short time that I've been here than the whole time I was in school!" One night we went for a walk and I was discussing with him and Uddhava about the nature of the spiritual world, and how the devotees experience a virtual reality in which they all are simultaneously in intimate relationships with the Lord. The light went on in Ananda-vardhana head, and he was blissing out. A couple of years ago I had the same conversation with Uddhava one evening in dirty, depressing Mexico City as we were trying to find a cloth shop to buy material for dhotis. The noise and filth were all around us, but we were floating in a transcendental vision of the spiritual world.
Other teachers and paths talk about dimensional windows and portals, but we actually experience them when we hear, chant or contemplate Kṛṣṇa's transcendental pastimes. You don't have to be a Quantum Physicist to appreciate this; you just have to focus your consciousness on Kṛṣṇa and his transcendental name, form, pastimes, qualities, abode, entourage etc. By creating a Kṛṣṇa-conscious culture based on the Esoteric Teaching of the Vedas, even kids can directly experience the spiritual world.
Would you know of or recommend a good source for obtaining any books about Krsna for children ages 5-13 years ? easy reading, coloring books etc.
You might try the krishna.com or krishnaculture.com online bookstore. Reading, Coloring books, and mp3 CD books. Also The Kids Shop.
Vedicbooks.com and Vedicbooks.net may also be useful. Even though vedicbooks.net is in India, their service is very good. I ordered some astrology books and they arrived in good shape within a few weeks. Their prices can't be beat!
Should I get vaccinations for my child?
I am not a doctor, even an Ayurvedic doctor. I am a doctor of souls, a specialist in consciousness. My prescription is that one should always hear, chant and remember the Holy Name, qualities and pastimes of the Lord. That is the real medicine because it cures the disease of material existence, which is the cause of all suffering.
That said, my guru, who was an expert Ayurvedic pharmacist, did not trust allopathic vaccinations and did not get them for his children, who are all still alive and well. Follow your instincts. And chant the Holy Name, that will vaccinate your son against the most dangerous disease: material consciousness.
MARRIAGE AND OTHER HOUSEHOLDER QUESTIONS
What is marriage? Do we really need it?
Married life is one of the four natural asramas or stages of spiritual life, namely: celibate student life (brahmacari-asrama), married life (grhastha-asrama), retired life (vanaprastha-asrama) and renounced life (sannyasa-asrama). Being an essential part of the Vedic varnasrama system, we definitely need it. In fact most people cannot imagine living without a partner.
If one started following Bhakti-Yoga before marriage itself, then can he/she go for marriage? If so, then why does he/she go for marriage when they are not having plan for children? After marriage, if they go for children, then will it not give another new bond to the materialistic world?
Most people require marriage to have a well-rounded and fulfilling life. A few exceptional people may be able to avoid it, but they are in the minority. My spiritual master himself was married when he met his guru. You will never find that we are against marriage, but that we advise people to engage their married life in works of devotion.
When the community grows, if one joins for Bhakti-Yoga, then can he/she still think about marriage?
Most of our community members will be married. It is the householders' duty to maintain the other three asramas. Without them the social body would be incomplete. The bramacaris are the legs, the grhasthas are the belly, the vanaprasthas are the chest, and the sannyasis are the head of the social body of Vedic society.
Unfortunately some of us have 9-5 jobs. Could you give a general guideline as to how we can balance our days?
Under the current circumstances we have to adjust our program to the lifestyle of the indentured capitalist debt-slave, which is the lifestyle enforced by the current exploitive materialistic so-called civilization. Most of us spend the majority of our time working to pay off our own, or worse, someone else's debts and interest. This is progress?
Really, the agrarian lifestyle is so much more civilized because it affords much more efficient investment of human energy. I saw so many people in India who were free to go on pilgrimage two or three times a year, because they lived on a farm and between growing seasons, they were basically on extended vacation.
Anyway, one should rise early in the morning, take bath and chant the Holy Name on beads. Maybe do a little offering and eat breakfast, then go to work for the day. In the evening, offer a nice meal and honor the remnants, then sit down with the family, chant together and study from the scriptures. Early to bed so one can rise before dawn. That's the Vedic lifestyle.
You can make your home just like the spiritual world, especially if you can gradually educate your wife and other family members in Vedic ways. That is the duty of a householder.
Household life costs so much money. How can we reduce our costs and be free from the complexity of modern life.
Here is a nice article written by a couple who had a similar question:
How we went from $42,000 to $6,500
and lived to tell about it!
By L. Kevin & Donna Philippe-Johnson
As a middle class American, it's been difficult for me to understand how we are supposed to make a living when there are so many things working against us. How can we go on day after day with the rising cost of food, fuel, utilities, car insurance, taxes and health care, while dealing with the insecurity of unemployment? In the past, whenever I considered these things, I felt a hopeless sense of impending doom in the pit of my stomach. There is so much talk about how to solve these issues, but nothing ever seems to stop the downward spiral of struggle and stress that millions of folks are experiencing.
Like many working people, my life went along fine during the 1980s. I had a good paying job ($42,000 a year) and though I didn't enjoy the kind of work I was doing as an industrial draftsman, receiving a steady paycheck every week kept me going without much complaint. But then came the Gulf War in the 1990s and after that point I faced nine layoffs over the span of 10 years. By the time September 11 happened, I hadn't been able to maintain steady employment in the petrochemical industry for over a decade. I would work about three or four months, then back again to the unemployment line.
It was at this point that I realized that something was wrong. The life strategy I had grown up to believe in was no longer working and there didn't seem to be any answers. Obviously no one was going to get me out of this, so I decided I needed to take matters into my own hands and figure out a way to redefine my basic approach to living.
Lucky for me, I have an adventurous wife. She was on the same page with me and was willing to make some drastic changes in our lifestyle. As a committed team, we decided to figure out another way to survive despite these uncertain, hard economic times. Since we didn't have a lot of money and because it was getting harder to find steady employment, we decided to rethink our basic values in order to create a life for ourselves where we could be independent and free of needing a career or a full-time job.
And for us, that meant first and foremost, moving to the country. If we were going to be poor, we thought, at least it would be better to be poor in the country. That way we could grow our own food and reduce our expenses. Eventually we discovered that there were others who felt the same way we did. Today there is a small, but growing movement in this country towards a lifestyle we call "Voluntary Creative Simplicity."
We decided to start over, to shake loose from all the things holding us down. We got rid of all the stuff we didn't need and worked on paying off debt. Then canceling our credit cards and using cash, we followed an efficient financial plan that taught how to track every penny. By doing this we were able eventually to save a little bit of money. (See the book entitled, Your Money or Your Life, by Joe Dominguez & Vicki Robin.)
Also, we wanted to be strong and healthy to do the work required for this basic lifestyle so we changed our eating habits. We broke away from the standard American fast food, pre-packaged supermarket diet in favor of organically grown whole grains, raw fruits and vegetables, fermented dairy, nuts, seeds and sprouts and eliminated all junk foods and prescription drugs. We started exercising regularly by walking, practicing yoga, and gardening. Since we no longer wanted to pay health insurance premiums, we decided to start a special savings account ($1,000) just for emergency first-aid treatment. And of course we got rid of the cell phone, cable television and Internet bills and greatly minimized our use of air conditioning. The beginning of the path to the simple life was a process of elimination in every aspect of our lives.
Eventually we found 2-1/2 acres of land, 35 miles out of the city. Inspired by our new vision, one summer we said goodbye to the city, permanently moved out to our new place and set up a dome tent to live in. We happily lived in our tent that summer while clearing the land and constructing a rustic 10' by 12' room with a sleeping loft. We did this on a "pay-as-you-go" plan, hauling all the materials in the back of our old pickup truck. Never having built anything before, we worked hard and gained the skill of building our own shelter.
As the tiny outbuilding took shape, next came the installation of an underground cistern for collecting rainwater, and finally, the construction of our three-room (500 square foot) cabin. Since we had to borrow $9,000 to purchase the property, I continued to take whatever jobs I could find (drafting, clerk work, courier, dishwasher, bakery assistant, etc.) while Donna stayed busy working on our organic garden, planting fruit trees and composting. She enjoys learning about native plants and healing herbs that she can grow.
Over the next few years, while working toward our goals of self-reliance and independence, we became stronger, healthier and more confident in our ability to rely on our own skills. It was quite an empowering experience. We learned how to build things, grow our own food, take responsibility for our own health, and best of all, we learned how to laugh and have fun again. The simple joys and true pleasures of fresh, home-grown food, watching everything grow and prosper in harmony, working with our own hands and spending quality time together replaced all of the costly false values that had occupied our time before.
Gradually we paid off the land, finished the cabin and succeeded in minimizing our basic utility costs. We began to notice that our expenses were decreasing as the quality of our life was increasing. As long as we stayed home and didn't travel to a steady job we really didn't need very much money. The lifestyle of voluntary creative simplicity was resulting in compounding efficiency and improvement in every area of our lives. Soon, we saw the proof of the inefficiency of working a full-time job. After figuring in the work-related expenses of one job, I realized that my take home pay was only $3 an hour! At that point I was convinced that it was far more cost effective to stay home, grow our own food, split our own firewood and bake our own bread than it was to travel to a job day after day. Yet we still needed some form of income.
Though we had reduced the amount we needed to around $540 a month (way below the poverty level in America), we still had to find a way to generate that income without relying on full-time employment. Once we had succeeded in drastically reducing the amount of money we needed, I knew it would be easy to earn this income by working odd jobs such as building rustic furniture, playing guitar for tips, simple carpentry, part-time drafting, office work, plumbing, etc. However, there was one thing I really loved to do...bake handmade whole-grain sourdough bread in an outdoor wood-fired clay oven! I had always shared my bread with friends and family, but it never really occurred to me to do it as a way to earn extra money.
We soon discovered that there was no authentic, handmade sourdough bread being produced in our area, and little by little, people began asking if they could trade or buy from us. Within a year we had enough bread customers to generate the supplemental income needed to meet our modest expenses. And now there is even more demand and a waiting list of neighbors and friends who want our bread regularly. They know our bread is special because the organic wheat is freshly hand milled, the loaves are lovingly made entirely by hand and baked in our outdoor clay oven. (See our article, "A Homemade Clay Oven and Naturally Fermented Sourdough Bread," in the July/August 2005 issue of COUNTRYSIDE.)
We want to let others know there is a wide open market for this kind of specialty bread, even in very small towns like ours, because so many people, for various reasons, are unable or unwilling to make it for themselves. In fact, there is such a demand for this unique artisan bread that many people are perfectly willing to pay us $4.50 a loaf! Anyone who wants to earn a little extra cash, say $50-$100 a week or more, should consider learning this valuable skill, then educating and sharing in their local community. We continuously hand out educational material about the health benefits of sourdough bread, offer informative presentations in our local community and give out free bread samples.
Our system of distribution is arranged like a "bread co-op." There are regular customers who buy a batch of six loaves at a time, which we deliver fresh to them once a month. An added bonus of learning this skill is the inexpensive, incredibly delicious, wholesome bread that we make for ourselves, which helps reduce our food bill. This is just an example of how a valuable skill such as this can be financially supportive when you are living and thinking small.
While the key to the lifestyle of voluntary simplicity, is "thinking small," many people still believe the opposite is true-"bigger is better." For example, people often tell us we should invest in a commercial bakery and produce more sourdough bread. But in order to expand and make a career out of baking and selling bread, we would have to go into debt to purchase commercial mixers, freezers and large ovens, work longer hours and face the mountain of bureaucratic permits, codes, fees and restrictions. As a result, the simple, authentic handmade artisan bread that our customers love would have to be sacrificed in favor of expanding volume and making more money. Everybody loses but the bankers and the bureaucrats. We would fall right back in the same old trap, getting into debt and sacrificing our freedom and quality of life for a job. This is an example of compounding inefficiency.
The downfall of many people who would like to break the bonds of stress and financial enslavement to the system is their tendency to think too big. But we must realize that this has been programmed into us by the industrial society and loan institutions, all attempting to excite and feed our insatiable desires. Friends, it takes a lot of mindful awareness to break free of all these traps. It also requires an ability to improvise and adapt towards an alternative model. The lifestyle of voluntary simplicity is one option and the resulting benefits are transformational.
The point I'm making is this: many of us can no longer think in terms of having a lifetime career anymore. For whatever reason, things are changing in this country. Outsourcing and cheaper labor costs in other countries will continue to eliminate jobs in the United States. And though the opportunity still exists to work, we must understand that it may be only temporary. While continuing to work at a job or career one should be wise and set up a plan to survive without steady employment for certain periods of time if necessary.
This could mean storing some supplies, purchasing a piece of property where a small shelter, tent or tipi can be erected if necessary, or getting out of the city and into the country where one can provide food for themselves. My old Grandpa used to say, "all the troubles in this country began when people stopped growing their own food." And he was right. The younglings of this modern age don't even know what real food is, much less how to grow or prepare it! This has to change. (That's another reason we promote sourdough bread baking. It is time to start a "slow-food" movement).
Thinking small is one of the most intelligent and powerful things one can do. Consciously reducing one's life down to the simple basics is the secret to happiness. And it is so easy. What is the solution? This is our advice, especially to young people:
"Don't get in debt, don't think in terms of a career (work at a job for one reason only, to get paid so you can buy a place to live and grow some food), live in a small shelter, unload unnecessary stuff, reduce monthly expenses, extract yourself from the enslavement of modern technological materialism, stay healthy by exercising, eat a simple, wholesome diet, develop some practical skills, practice your art or trade and serve your local community. Teach your children to value true pleasures. Real wealth is perishable: food, health, trees, flowers, herbs, healthy soil, clean water, fresh air, friends and art. Learn to value and appreciate these above all else."
Of course we realize that everyone has to creatively work out their own unique plan according to their particular circumstances, especially if there are children to raise. (We have six grown children.) But with "small thinking," so many opportunities open up and the more one can release, the more freedom there is to experience with each passing year.
If someone would have suggested to us ten years ago that there was a way for the two of us to live on much less, build our own little hut, buy our freedom, give up steady employment, work fewer hours, become happy, healthy, debt free, self-reliant, and live fearlessly without health insurance, I would have told them they were crazy. This has been an incredible, radical journey for us, but now we know from first hand experience that with vision, patience, self-discipline and courage, it is possible to create such a reality.
Creative voluntary simplicity expands faster than inflation. For those who can do it, instead of thinking too big and chasing after more money to find happiness and security, the answer can truly be summed up in the words of the Greek philosopher, Diogenes: "True freedom is in the minimum of needs."
By L. Kevin & Donna Philippe-Johnson
As a middle class American, it's been difficult for me to understand how we are supposed to make a living when there are so many things working against us. How can we go on day after day with the rising cost of food, fuel, utilities, car insurance, taxes and health care, while dealing with the insecurity of unemployment? In the past, whenever I considered these things, I felt a hopeless sense of impending doom in the pit of my stomach. There is so much talk about how to solve these issues, but nothing ever seems to stop the downward spiral of struggle and stress that millions of folks are experiencing.
Like many working people, my life went along fine during the 1980s. I had a good paying job ($42,000 a year) and though I didn't enjoy the kind of work I was doing as an industrial draftsman, receiving a steady paycheck every week kept me going without much complaint. But then came the Gulf War in the 1990s and after that point I faced nine layoffs over the span of 10 years. By the time September 11 happened, I hadn't been able to maintain steady employment in the petrochemical industry for over a decade. I would work about three or four months, then back again to the unemployment line.
It was at this point that I realized that something was wrong. The life strategy I had grown up to believe in was no longer working and there didn't seem to be any answers. Obviously no one was going to get me out of this, so I decided I needed to take matters into my own hands and figure out a way to redefine my basic approach to living.
Lucky for me, I have an adventurous wife. She was on the same page with me and was willing to make some drastic changes in our lifestyle. As a committed team, we decided to figure out another way to survive despite these uncertain, hard economic times. Since we didn't have a lot of money and because it was getting harder to find steady employment, we decided to rethink our basic values in order to create a life for ourselves where we could be independent and free of needing a career or a full-time job.
And for us, that meant first and foremost, moving to the country. If we were going to be poor, we thought, at least it would be better to be poor in the country. That way we could grow our own food and reduce our expenses. Eventually we discovered that there were others who felt the same way we did. Today there is a small, but growing movement in this country towards a lifestyle we call "Voluntary Creative Simplicity."
We decided to start over, to shake loose from all the things holding us down. We got rid of all the stuff we didn't need and worked on paying off debt. Then canceling our credit cards and using cash, we followed an efficient financial plan that taught how to track every penny. By doing this we were able eventually to save a little bit of money. (See the book entitled, Your Money or Your Life, by Joe Dominguez & Vicki Robin.)
Also, we wanted to be strong and healthy to do the work required for this basic lifestyle so we changed our eating habits. We broke away from the standard American fast food, pre-packaged supermarket diet in favor of organically grown whole grains, raw fruits and vegetables, fermented dairy, nuts, seeds and sprouts and eliminated all junk foods and prescription drugs. We started exercising regularly by walking, practicing yoga, and gardening. Since we no longer wanted to pay health insurance premiums, we decided to start a special savings account ($1,000) just for emergency first-aid treatment. And of course we got rid of the cell phone, cable television and Internet bills and greatly minimized our use of air conditioning. The beginning of the path to the simple life was a process of elimination in every aspect of our lives.
Eventually we found 2-1/2 acres of land, 35 miles out of the city. Inspired by our new vision, one summer we said goodbye to the city, permanently moved out to our new place and set up a dome tent to live in. We happily lived in our tent that summer while clearing the land and constructing a rustic 10' by 12' room with a sleeping loft. We did this on a "pay-as-you-go" plan, hauling all the materials in the back of our old pickup truck. Never having built anything before, we worked hard and gained the skill of building our own shelter.
As the tiny outbuilding took shape, next came the installation of an underground cistern for collecting rainwater, and finally, the construction of our three-room (500 square foot) cabin. Since we had to borrow $9,000 to purchase the property, I continued to take whatever jobs I could find (drafting, clerk work, courier, dishwasher, bakery assistant, etc.) while Donna stayed busy working on our organic garden, planting fruit trees and composting. She enjoys learning about native plants and healing herbs that she can grow.
Over the next few years, while working toward our goals of self-reliance and independence, we became stronger, healthier and more confident in our ability to rely on our own skills. It was quite an empowering experience. We learned how to build things, grow our own food, take responsibility for our own health, and best of all, we learned how to laugh and have fun again. The simple joys and true pleasures of fresh, home-grown food, watching everything grow and prosper in harmony, working with our own hands and spending quality time together replaced all of the costly false values that had occupied our time before.
Gradually we paid off the land, finished the cabin and succeeded in minimizing our basic utility costs. We began to notice that our expenses were decreasing as the quality of our life was increasing. As long as we stayed home and didn't travel to a steady job we really didn't need very much money. The lifestyle of voluntary creative simplicity was resulting in compounding efficiency and improvement in every area of our lives. Soon, we saw the proof of the inefficiency of working a full-time job. After figuring in the work-related expenses of one job, I realized that my take home pay was only $3 an hour! At that point I was convinced that it was far more cost effective to stay home, grow our own food, split our own firewood and bake our own bread than it was to travel to a job day after day. Yet we still needed some form of income.
Though we had reduced the amount we needed to around $540 a month (way below the poverty level in America), we still had to find a way to generate that income without relying on full-time employment. Once we had succeeded in drastically reducing the amount of money we needed, I knew it would be easy to earn this income by working odd jobs such as building rustic furniture, playing guitar for tips, simple carpentry, part-time drafting, office work, plumbing, etc. However, there was one thing I really loved to do...bake handmade whole-grain sourdough bread in an outdoor wood-fired clay oven! I had always shared my bread with friends and family, but it never really occurred to me to do it as a way to earn extra money.
We soon discovered that there was no authentic, handmade sourdough bread being produced in our area, and little by little, people began asking if they could trade or buy from us. Within a year we had enough bread customers to generate the supplemental income needed to meet our modest expenses. And now there is even more demand and a waiting list of neighbors and friends who want our bread regularly. They know our bread is special because the organic wheat is freshly hand milled, the loaves are lovingly made entirely by hand and baked in our outdoor clay oven. (See our article, "A Homemade Clay Oven and Naturally Fermented Sourdough Bread," in the July/August 2005 issue of COUNTRYSIDE.)
We want to let others know there is a wide open market for this kind of specialty bread, even in very small towns like ours, because so many people, for various reasons, are unable or unwilling to make it for themselves. In fact, there is such a demand for this unique artisan bread that many people are perfectly willing to pay us $4.50 a loaf! Anyone who wants to earn a little extra cash, say $50-$100 a week or more, should consider learning this valuable skill, then educating and sharing in their local community. We continuously hand out educational material about the health benefits of sourdough bread, offer informative presentations in our local community and give out free bread samples.
Our system of distribution is arranged like a "bread co-op." There are regular customers who buy a batch of six loaves at a time, which we deliver fresh to them once a month. An added bonus of learning this skill is the inexpensive, incredibly delicious, wholesome bread that we make for ourselves, which helps reduce our food bill. This is just an example of how a valuable skill such as this can be financially supportive when you are living and thinking small.
While the key to the lifestyle of voluntary simplicity, is "thinking small," many people still believe the opposite is true-"bigger is better." For example, people often tell us we should invest in a commercial bakery and produce more sourdough bread. But in order to expand and make a career out of baking and selling bread, we would have to go into debt to purchase commercial mixers, freezers and large ovens, work longer hours and face the mountain of bureaucratic permits, codes, fees and restrictions. As a result, the simple, authentic handmade artisan bread that our customers love would have to be sacrificed in favor of expanding volume and making more money. Everybody loses but the bankers and the bureaucrats. We would fall right back in the same old trap, getting into debt and sacrificing our freedom and quality of life for a job. This is an example of compounding inefficiency.
The downfall of many people who would like to break the bonds of stress and financial enslavement to the system is their tendency to think too big. But we must realize that this has been programmed into us by the industrial society and loan institutions, all attempting to excite and feed our insatiable desires. Friends, it takes a lot of mindful awareness to break free of all these traps. It also requires an ability to improvise and adapt towards an alternative model. The lifestyle of voluntary simplicity is one option and the resulting benefits are transformational.
The point I'm making is this: many of us can no longer think in terms of having a lifetime career anymore. For whatever reason, things are changing in this country. Outsourcing and cheaper labor costs in other countries will continue to eliminate jobs in the United States. And though the opportunity still exists to work, we must understand that it may be only temporary. While continuing to work at a job or career one should be wise and set up a plan to survive without steady employment for certain periods of time if necessary.
This could mean storing some supplies, purchasing a piece of property where a small shelter, tent or tipi can be erected if necessary, or getting out of the city and into the country where one can provide food for themselves. My old Grandpa used to say, "all the troubles in this country began when people stopped growing their own food." And he was right. The younglings of this modern age don't even know what real food is, much less how to grow or prepare it! This has to change. (That's another reason we promote sourdough bread baking. It is time to start a "slow-food" movement).
Thinking small is one of the most intelligent and powerful things one can do. Consciously reducing one's life down to the simple basics is the secret to happiness. And it is so easy. What is the solution? This is our advice, especially to young people:
"Don't get in debt, don't think in terms of a career (work at a job for one reason only, to get paid so you can buy a place to live and grow some food), live in a small shelter, unload unnecessary stuff, reduce monthly expenses, extract yourself from the enslavement of modern technological materialism, stay healthy by exercising, eat a simple, wholesome diet, develop some practical skills, practice your art or trade and serve your local community. Teach your children to value true pleasures. Real wealth is perishable: food, health, trees, flowers, herbs, healthy soil, clean water, fresh air, friends and art. Learn to value and appreciate these above all else."
Of course we realize that everyone has to creatively work out their own unique plan according to their particular circumstances, especially if there are children to raise. (We have six grown children.) But with "small thinking," so many opportunities open up and the more one can release, the more freedom there is to experience with each passing year.
If someone would have suggested to us ten years ago that there was a way for the two of us to live on much less, build our own little hut, buy our freedom, give up steady employment, work fewer hours, become happy, healthy, debt free, self-reliant, and live fearlessly without health insurance, I would have told them they were crazy. This has been an incredible, radical journey for us, but now we know from first hand experience that with vision, patience, self-discipline and courage, it is possible to create such a reality.
Creative voluntary simplicity expands faster than inflation. For those who can do it, instead of thinking too big and chasing after more money to find happiness and security, the answer can truly be summed up in the words of the Greek philosopher, Diogenes: "True freedom is in the minimum of needs."
It feels as if all the pieces of my life are now coming together in proper perspective. As if the true purpose and activity is being revealed. As if you "gave permission" for me to follow my hidden heart's dream. So, then, I now pay total attention to the Lord's voice and no other? What then is the relation of my husband in this? He also wishes that role.
There is a balance between intuitive, inner wisdom and the indications of scripture and teachers. Each is valuable in its appropriate place. Yes, when one's eternal relationship with the Lord is revealed, it feels like coming home. This is when full surrender to Him finally becomes possible.
Regarding husbands and wives, love in this material is world is always problematic. We can never fully own another person or their soul, as much as we may desire it. Only Krsna is the Purusha. So this is a struggle that rarely ends happily for one who remains attached.
It is very difficult to explain the love of God to someone who is not ready to receive it, especially if this spiritual intimacy is perceived to compete with full possession of another's love. You are going to have to be very patient and gentle not to hurt him. Most men think they want to possess their beloved, when what they really need is deep affection. Melt his heart and he will forget about owning you.
My wife is very materialistic. Now I have found some peace in this teaching I am finding it very difficult. I don't want to hurt her but I also know celibacy is very important in spiritual life. I am trying to add so many new practices into my life but this teaching really does feel like poison at the moment. What is the right way to approach my relationship with my wife?
It is only poison in the beginning; in the end it's nectar!
sukhaṁ
tv idānīṁ tri-vidhaṁ śṛṇu me bharatarṣabha
abhyāsād ramate yatra duḥkhāntaṁ ca nigacchati
yat tad agre viṣam iva pariṇāme 'mṛtopamam
tat sukhaṁ sāttvikaṁ proktam ātma-buddhi-prasāda-jam
"O best of the Bhāratas, now please hear from Me about the three kinds of happiness which the conditioned soul enjoys, and by which he sometimes comes to the end of all distress. That which in the beginning may be just like poison but at the end is just like nectar and which awakens one to self-realization is said to be happiness in the mode of goodness." [Bhagavad-gita 18.36-37]
abhyāsād ramate yatra duḥkhāntaṁ ca nigacchati
yat tad agre viṣam iva pariṇāme 'mṛtopamam
tat sukhaṁ sāttvikaṁ proktam ātma-buddhi-prasāda-jam
"O best of the Bhāratas, now please hear from Me about the three kinds of happiness which the conditioned soul enjoys, and by which he sometimes comes to the end of all distress. That which in the beginning may be just like poison but at the end is just like nectar and which awakens one to self-realization is said to be happiness in the mode of goodness." [Bhagavad-gita 18.36-37]
How long do you think this material sex happiness will last? After two years of marriage there may still be some attraction, but after ten or twenty, the old fire will be nothing but smoldering coals and ashes. Material happiness is nectar at the beginning but poison at the end. That's when Krsna consciousness will really save you.
Don't be a fanatic and try to attain the highest standard immediately, especially if it confuses your wife. That's a typical Western approach. This is a lifelong process, and you will have to grow into it. It cannot be performed just by external will power; you cannot become celibate just by wanting to. You have to develop love for God by chanting His name, then you can attain purity.
I've been doing this for 40 years or more and it's hard to remember what it was like in the beginning but there are some responses from others below as well. I don't want to see you burn yourself out by over-endeavoring.
atyāhāraḥ
prayāsaś ca
prajalpo niyamāgrahaḥ
jana-saṅgaś ca laulyaṁ ca
ṣaḍbhir bhaktir vinaśyati
"One’s devotional service is spoiled when he becomes too entangled in the following six activities: (1) eating more than necessary or collecting more funds than required; (2) over-endeavoring for mundane things that are very difficult to obtain; (3) talking unnecessarily about mundane subject matters; (4) Practicing the scriptural rules and regulations only for the sake of following them and not for the sake of spiritual advancement, or rejecting the rules and regulations of the scriptures and working independently or whimsically; (5) associating with worldly-minded persons who are not interested in Kṛṣṇa consciousness; and (6) being greedy for mundane achievements." [Nectar of Instruction, 2]
prajalpo niyamāgrahaḥ
jana-saṅgaś ca laulyaṁ ca
ṣaḍbhir bhaktir vinaśyati
"One’s devotional service is spoiled when he becomes too entangled in the following six activities: (1) eating more than necessary or collecting more funds than required; (2) over-endeavoring for mundane things that are very difficult to obtain; (3) talking unnecessarily about mundane subject matters; (4) Practicing the scriptural rules and regulations only for the sake of following them and not for the sake of spiritual advancement, or rejecting the rules and regulations of the scriptures and working independently or whimsically; (5) associating with worldly-minded persons who are not interested in Kṛṣṇa consciousness; and (6) being greedy for mundane achievements." [Nectar of Instruction, 2]
When Rupa Gosvami (who composed the above verse) first came into contact with the Esoteric Teaching, he was a minister in the Mohammedan government of Bengal in the early 1600s. Talk about entanglement! But he gradually extricated himself by sincere chanting of the Holy Name and careful study of the scriptures.
You can do the same, just don't push quite so hard. You will not understand everything in the beginning. This is the post-graduate science of God. It's like walking into a post-graduate seminar on mathematics; in the beginning you will understand very little, but if you hang around and ask intelligent questions, gradually you will come to understand everything.
Another student writes:
Your wife understandably is frightened
of losing your personal attention after 2 years of marriage. You need
to reassure her that is not what your trying to do, talk to her about
how you feel and how this chanting is helping you, before she starts to
negate everything you say, ask her to at least try some chanting, sing
it make it attractive to her. This Esoteric knowledge is very
scientific and daunting to the newcomer, to try and do everything at
once will only overwhelm you, and as Baba says, you don't want to burn
yourself out before you have even started. I've been at this for 25
years so it takes time.
First start by not eating meat, search the internet together and investigate the health beneifts of a vegetarian diet. Keep it simple at first, years of material contamination can take years to shed. Become like an expert gardener that knows how to water and nourish their plants to fruition, overwatering can drown the roots and kill the plant, careful watering is required this is Knowledge, start offering your food to Krsna, Krsna says "Offer me with love and devotion a leaf, a flower, fruit and water and i will accept" this then becomes santified spiritual food, so then the process of purification begins. So take it easy, you want your wife to come to Krsna Consciousness willingly not scare her of this will only cause a negative affect, she in turn will lose the opportunity in this lifetime to liberate herself from the bondage of material existance. watch, read and listen to the subject matter on this site and you will become an expert at everything.
We cannot advance in spiritual life by sheer will-power, but by
gradually changing our taste for material enjoyment and exploitation
into a taste for spiritual pleasure. The passionate mood of material
enjoyment is always laced with anxiety and insecurity, because we know
we may lose our material position at any time. But spiritual life is
not like that; it is based on the real desire of the soul for eternal
enjoyment and unconditional happiness. First start by not eating meat, search the internet together and investigate the health beneifts of a vegetarian diet. Keep it simple at first, years of material contamination can take years to shed. Become like an expert gardener that knows how to water and nourish their plants to fruition, overwatering can drown the roots and kill the plant, careful watering is required this is Knowledge, start offering your food to Krsna, Krsna says "Offer me with love and devotion a leaf, a flower, fruit and water and i will accept" this then becomes santified spiritual food, so then the process of purification begins. So take it easy, you want your wife to come to Krsna Consciousness willingly not scare her of this will only cause a negative affect, she in turn will lose the opportunity in this lifetime to liberate herself from the bondage of material existance. watch, read and listen to the subject matter on this site and you will become an expert at everything.
By chanting the Holy Name, taking only food sanctified by offering it to the Lord with love and devotion, avoiding material sense gratification as far as possible and studying the esoteric Vedic scriptures, gradually the taste for spiritual activities develops. This transcendental taste is essential, and its development cannot be forced or rushed. We have lifetimes of impressions of material existence in our minds. This cannot be erased in a fortnight, but we have to create many impressions of spiritual quality to change the quality of consciousness. That is why we chant again and again over many years.
Preaching or teaching this process of devotional service involves creating positive impressions in the mind of the person we are preaching to. So when you introduce your wife to the Esoteric Teaching, try to make it a joy and not a threat. It sounds like your relationship may be unstable anyway due to cultural differences; this often happens in cross-cultural marriages. So reassure her that you love her and that our spiritual values include lifetime marriage without any divorce. But you will have to educate her gradually as the student above suggests.
ei
mata dine dine, svarūpa-rāmānanda-sane,
nija-bhāva karena vidita
bāhye viṣa-jvālā haya, bhitare ānanda-maya,
kṛṣṇa-premāra adbhuta carita
In this way, Lord Caitanya used to revel in ecstasy day after day and exhibit these ecstasies before Svarūpa and Rāmānanda Rāya. Externally there appeared severe tribulation, as if He were suffering from poisonous effects, but internally He was experiencing bliss. This is characteristic of transcendental love of Kṛṣṇa.
ei premā-āsvādana, tapta-ikṣu-carvaṇa,
mukha jvale, nā yāya tyajana
sei premā yāṅra mane, tāra vikrama sei jāne,
viṣāmṛte ekatra milana
[Lord Caitanya said,] "If one tastes such love of Godhead, he can compare it to hot sugarcane. When one chews hot sugarcane, his mouth burns, yet he cannot give it up. Similarly, if one has but a little love of Godhead, he can perceive its powerful effects. It can only be compared to poison and nectar mixed together.
pīḍābhir nava-kāla-kūṭa-kaṭutā-garvasya nirvāsano
nisyandena mudāṁ sudhā-madhurimāhaṅkāra-saṅkocanaḥ
premā sundari nanda-nandana-paro jāgarti yasyāntare
jṣāyante sphuṭam asya vakra-madhurās tenaiva vikrāntayaḥ
" 'My dear beautiful friend, if one develops love of Godhead, love of Kṛṣṇa, the son of Nanda Mahārāja, all the bitter and sweet influences of this love will manifest in one's heart. Such love of Godhead acts in two ways. The poisonous effects of love of Godhead defeat the severe and fresh poison of the serpent. Yet there is simultaneously transcendental bliss, which pours down and defeats the pride of nectar and diminishes its value. In other words, love of Kṛṣṇa is so powerful that it simultaneously defeats the poisonous effects of a snake, as well as the happiness derived from pouring nectar on one's head. It is perceived as doubly effective, simultaneously poisonous and nectarean.' " [Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 2.50-52]
nija-bhāva karena vidita
bāhye viṣa-jvālā haya, bhitare ānanda-maya,
kṛṣṇa-premāra adbhuta carita
In this way, Lord Caitanya used to revel in ecstasy day after day and exhibit these ecstasies before Svarūpa and Rāmānanda Rāya. Externally there appeared severe tribulation, as if He were suffering from poisonous effects, but internally He was experiencing bliss. This is characteristic of transcendental love of Kṛṣṇa.
ei premā-āsvādana, tapta-ikṣu-carvaṇa,
mukha jvale, nā yāya tyajana
sei premā yāṅra mane, tāra vikrama sei jāne,
viṣāmṛte ekatra milana
[Lord Caitanya said,] "If one tastes such love of Godhead, he can compare it to hot sugarcane. When one chews hot sugarcane, his mouth burns, yet he cannot give it up. Similarly, if one has but a little love of Godhead, he can perceive its powerful effects. It can only be compared to poison and nectar mixed together.
pīḍābhir nava-kāla-kūṭa-kaṭutā-garvasya nirvāsano
nisyandena mudāṁ sudhā-madhurimāhaṅkāra-saṅkocanaḥ
premā sundari nanda-nandana-paro jāgarti yasyāntare
jṣāyante sphuṭam asya vakra-madhurās tenaiva vikrāntayaḥ
" 'My dear beautiful friend, if one develops love of Godhead, love of Kṛṣṇa, the son of Nanda Mahārāja, all the bitter and sweet influences of this love will manifest in one's heart. Such love of Godhead acts in two ways. The poisonous effects of love of Godhead defeat the severe and fresh poison of the serpent. Yet there is simultaneously transcendental bliss, which pours down and defeats the pride of nectar and diminishes its value. In other words, love of Kṛṣṇa is so powerful that it simultaneously defeats the poisonous effects of a snake, as well as the happiness derived from pouring nectar on one's head. It is perceived as doubly effective, simultaneously poisonous and nectarean.' " [Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 2.50-52]
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